Casting the First Stone
by Lou Conjar
Recently, an incident occurred which caused me to once again focus on the dynamics of human interaction and the difficulties of living up to our ideals. For whatever reason, I feel compelled to share it with you, rather than simply to "let it go".
I subscribe to a mailing list which brings together people who are going through, or are interested in, the experience of Kundalini Awakening. It is a fascinating list in that the people who participate are generally very loving, caring individuals who are genuinely trying to help each other through what can be a very difficult spiritual process. However, because Kundalini purifies the system by bringing to the surface all of our "issues" so that we can look at, understand and release them, it sometimes causes listmembers to say things they wish they hadn't. Essentially, what often happens is that people's "hot buttons" are hit by something that one of the list members has posted and they respond with a "knee-jerk" reaction because Kundalini has brought these issues to the surface to be dealt with and the emotions are sometimes "raw" to begin with. The situation is also made worse by the fact that there is a high volume of posting each day, so it is very difficult, for someone who works full-time, to even read all the postings every day, let alone respond to them as they would like.
Anyway, here's the story. Because of an extremely active Kundalini, I had been having a very difficult week at work. So, when I signed on to the computer that evening and went to read the mail from the list, I was pretty strung out emotionally and was looking forward to reading some comforting words from the day's postings. Unfortunately, one of the first posts that I read was one in which the author was blasting the listmembers, saying essentially that we were all delusional and had nothing to teach him, that he had figured it all out, and so he was leaving the list and planned to write a "scientific" paper on the Kundalini process that stated such. His statements were so outrageous that, given my current emotional state, I was not able to just let it "roll off my back" as I normally would. So, I sent a short reply saying "Thank you. After the day I've had, I needed a good shot of humor" and followed it with "sorry, I just couldn't resist" in parentheses.
Now granted, that was not necessarily a very loving thing to say, since he was obviously in a lot of pain himself or he would never have posted such a thing in the first place. A part of me regretted responding as I did since it certainly was not in accordance with my highest ideals. However, I have learned that it is not healthy to simply hold in painful emotions and so, when I don't always act in accordance with my ideals, I try not to "beat myself up" too badly. I wish I hadn't felt the need to reply in such a manner, but I did, and so I try to learn from these experiences rather than indulge in self-flagellation. I might add that a number of the other listmembers responded much more colorfully than I did. However, there were also a number of very supportive responses from those who were not currently caught in an emotional wringer and, therefore, could more clearly see the cry for help in the original post. This is as it should be. We each help when we are able to help and we cry when we need to cry. That is the beauty of the list. It is like a family, whose members are generally loving and supportive, but are not always able to relate in a manner which displays that.
In any case, I later received a response to my reply from another listmember (which seemed to be a generic response which was sent off-line to those who had not responded in the most loving way) chastising me for not getting all the facts before responding, saying that if I had read the original author's earlier post which detailed the horrors of his life experience, I would not be so quick to judge and would respond more lovingly to what was obviously a cry for help. So, after a momentary flash of anger, I realized that she had a good point and decided to try to find the author's original post. It turned out that the post referred us to a web page which had his personal story. As I read his page, it quickly became apparent that this young man truly had some serious problems. It was easy to see why the woman who had "chastised" me had been so touched by his words and felt the need to defend him. His story is truly heart-wrenching. Obviously, any caring individual would be touched. And, yes, if I had read his story earlier, I certainly would not have reacted as I did to his post. So again I have to deal with the issue of whether I "beat myself up" for not being totally loving (in accordance with my highest ideals) all of the time or whether I show myself the kindness of accepting that I am doing the best that I can, given my current state of enlightenment and my current life situation.
The fact of the matter is that, as long as we are still evolving, we will not always be able to live up to our ideals. That does not make us "bad". It simply provides the opportunity to learn about ourselves. So, yes, we will sometimes say things that we wish we hadn't said or do things we wish we hadn't done - and that's ok. But it's important to realize that, if we don't have all the facts, we may be getting a distorted view which can lead to misunderstanding. What this means is that human interaction can be quite challenging. To the best of my knowledge, none of us on earth are capable of knowing "all of the facts" all of the time. Therefore, we have situations where person 'A' says something to person 'B', who misunderstands and interprets it as a personal attack. Person 'B' strikes back in defense without thinking which causes person 'A' to feel hurt or angry. Then person 'C', who has overheard part of the dialogue, rushes in with words that fuel the fire, so to speak, and before we know it, arguments ensue, fights start, wars begin ...
So what I propose is this - Before responding to what appears to be an attack, pause to think about the ideal "Let he among you who is without sin, cast the first stone", but if you feel you must respond, do so. It is not healthy to hold your strong emotions in. Essentially, this turns the energy within which means that, if we don't express ourselves and let the energy out, we are simply sending the energy to our inner self instead of outwardly to those who seem to be separate from us. In either case, since we are all One, we are hurting ourselves. Rather than sending the energy anywhere, it's better to look at and see if we can determine what there is to learn from it. Perhaps by looking at it, the negative energy can be released in a manner that does not harm. But, if you do act in a way which is not in accordance with your highest ideal, forgive yourself. Just do your best and remember that, in reality, all is well. All is proceeding as it should. We are all engaged in the process of discovering Who and What we are.
